no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
