He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize