i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
