I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
