i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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