I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
