I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
