she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
