Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i came on her dog
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
