I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
