You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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