The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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