There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
