Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
