I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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