You can't motorboat a personality
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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