People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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