i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
