I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
