I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
