I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
