My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
