wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
