What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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