Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she told me i tasted like america
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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