It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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