Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
