I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
