It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
