So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
