You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
