theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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