I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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