They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
