Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize