Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize