i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
