Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just googled if crying burns calories
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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