Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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