I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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