I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
