why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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