he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
