no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
