I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
