U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize