dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
