Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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