3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
