You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
