so explain again why im purple
no
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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