Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
