3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
