i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
