Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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