so explain again why im purple
no
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
