He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
