can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
