I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
