...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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