Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
