Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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