you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
