And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
