if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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