put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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