drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
