I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize