the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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