I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
